


I'll Wait a Thousand Years For You (But That Doesn't Mean I Want To)

by sweeterthankarma



Category: Sense8 (TV)
Genre: M/M, Pre-Series, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-11
Updated: 2018-08-11
Packaged: 2019-06-25 22:28:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15650184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweeterthankarma/pseuds/sweeterthankarma
Summary: “You know I would do anything for you,” Lito says, and Hernando can read in between the lines. It’s not an answer.Hernando shrugs before coolly replying, “not anything.”





	I'll Wait a Thousand Years For You (But That Doesn't Mean I Want To)

They’re fighting about it again, for what’s probably the third time this week. It’s not a new occurrence, and Hernando should be over it by now — he’s stood his ground too many times, recited the same desires, but it’s a moot point, especially when he’s been well aware of the terms of their relationship from the beginning.

Like Lito says, he knew what he was signing up for. He doesn’t like to think of them that way, though, and so he doesn’t; loving Lito is not a chore, not a job he’s contractually obligated to keep showing up for. He needs him around, the way he needs a heartbeat and blood rushing through his veins, surging adrenaline. It’s basically the same thing, anyways, especially when Lito kisses him, warm and beneath sheets that smell faintly of the cologne he wears on set. It’s the best feeling he’s ever had, the kind that makes everything else worth it, just to be able to wake up beside him every morning. It also makes him laugh, sometimes, as he reminisces on the day Lito dragged him along to purchase said perfume, after what felt like an eternity of sampling swatches and getting glared at by store employees for knocking over bottles.

    “Does it make me smell straight?” Lito had asked, only half-joking as he moved in close to Hernando, tilting his head to give him better access to his neck, where he’d sprayed the perfume. Hernando had replied with a quirk of his eyebrows, and pushed up his glasses before slipping his arms around his waist and pressing a quick kiss to his throat.

    “Not in the slightest,” Hernando had practically purred, and Lito had managed to look both pleased and disappointed at once. “But I don’t have much experience with straight men.”

Lito had grinned and kissed him then, and Hernando would have thought it was a turning point on his stance on public displays of affection if he hadn’t noticed how he’d scanned the area for nearby people seconds before.

Hernando tries not to complain, he really does, but he can’t pretend he doesn’t get tired of hearing Lito talk about pretend girlfriends and movie premieres and casting calls; it’s only because he wants to be the one to do it all with him. Watching from the sidelines isn’t nearly enough.

He could call Lito out on his internalized homophobia, get deep and ask him to analyze why he’s so afraid of being himself and living life fully, but Hernando knows the answer. They’ve been through this before, especially in the beginning of their relationship, although it took numerous drinks for Lito to open up about the jokes and stereotypes he’s heard, both in his family life and in his career. He was afraid, and Hernando knows what that’s like, remembers how fearful he’d been in high school, being the receiver of constant gay jokes despite how he’d insisted he was straight. Pride is hard, he always tells Lito this, and it only gets easier once you accept it. But he knows Lito isn’t there yet, and he can’t force him.

Still, it’s not an ideal arrangement, and he’ll be the first to admit. So he does, more than he should, and he doesn’t mean to make Lito feel sorry. It’s just that he wants to be able to walk down the street holding his hand, wants to boldly tell all his friends and family that he’s dating someone who he’s completely and hopelessly in love with, who also conveniently happens to be a famous actor. He wants to kiss him when he points out a bumper sticker with an art pun on it or when he gets ice cream on his nose like he always manages to do. He doesn’t think that’s so out of reach, the next movie premiere is months away so that would give Lito plenty of time to work up the courage before Hernando joined him, hand in hand, easy, as the cameras flashed. He imagines how that would feel for the world to know about them, about him, for the truth would be set free. It feels like a dream. 

Hernando knows Lito wants just as much as he does, but still, he just sighs. Hernando’s been unrelenting today, and it is isn’t annoying in the slightest, just sad. 

“You know I would do anything for you,” Lito says, and Hernando can read in between the lines. It’s not an answer, it’s not even in correspondence to what he’d said. Lito paces across the floor, hands at the back of his neck, and looks guiltily at his boyfriend, who’s sprawled out haphazardly on the bed, reading book and highlighter discarded.

Hernando shrugs before coolly replying, “not anything.”

Lito heaves another deep breath. Low blow, Hernando knows, but he doesn’t feel too sorry. He’s speaking for both of them, knowing this can’t go on much longer for sanity’s sake, but still, it stings. Hernando takes off his glasses and rubs his temples with his fingertips. Eyes closed, he only knows Lito’s beside him by the way the bed dips underneath him. His hand brushes, feather light, against his thigh, and he tries not to shiver.

    “Soon,” Lito says when he opens his eyes, and his words surprise them both. “Okay? Soon.” He holds his gaze for a long time, eyes searching and a little desperate, and Hernando doesn’t know how to respond. He knows this isn’t easy, knows he isn’t always fair; Lito loves him and only him, but he’s depriving him —  _ them _ —   of a normalcy they should be able to relish. There’s so many factors to the movie business, to contracts and managers and what sells and what doesn’t, but Hernando isn’t afraid of it, only wary of it. He knows love sells, so why can’t theirs? Or, why can’t it at least be tolerated and allowed to exist in the same spaces?

Lito repeats his words, and it doesn’t really feel like a promise, but Hernando smiles anyway, as convincing as he can. 

    “Okay,” he replies. “I’d like that.”

Lito brings a hand up to frame his face, fingertips warm on his cheek, and when their lips meet Hernando can’t help but think he would wait a thousand years just to be able to do this in public. He doesn’t want to though, and he really hopes he won’t have to. 

When they break apart, Lito goes back to rehearsing his script in the other room, and Hernando wonders if any progress has been made at all. 

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on Tumblr @ sweeterthankarma where I'm always emotional over Sense8 and wishing we had 300 more seasons.


End file.
